Posted by Carlota on September 20, 2012 at 3:50 pm in believe in yourself, changing your life, confidence, dating losers, dreams, fighting for your life
If you’re stuck in a dead-end job or relationship, or you hate the way your body looks, or you want to write that novel, or make the movie you’ve been brooding about for years, and instead of doing it, you rationalize things to yourself saying, ”Well, I’m going to just waste and see what happens…” I’ll tell you what will happen: nothing. Nada. Fast-forward ten years and you’ll be in exactly the same situation you are now…but worse. Because you’ll be that much more discouraged, more irritated with yourself and your life and nothing will have changed. If, for example, you’re dating losers, you might be married to a loser. Or, you gained more weight…or stayed at that horrible job which got worse…or never wrote the book. Things don’t just happen. You make them happen. You believe in them and you bring that belief to life.
I speak from personal experience. From the experience, following law school, of feeling like sh*t, of being horribly depressed, yet being stubborn enough to believe that my life could, and should be better than the way it was going at the time. And I believed that the business idea I had carried in the back of my mind for 10+ years could become a reality…if I could just do it. “Just do it.” Despite, of course, the crippling law school debt, my age, my fears, the fact that I knew less than nothing about business. But maybe all of those factors were great for an egomaniac like myself since I felt like I had nothing to lose. Well, except for everything. Except for my life.
I wish I could tell you how many, MANY, people told me I was crazy, unrealistic, deluded, stupid, irritating retarded. Or, how many people told me I’d fail, that I knew nothing about business, that I was wasting my time etc. Oh so many helpful people.
And that’s the biggest issue: when you’re trying to create something new in your life, you must believe in it to build it. You cannot wait till after you’ve created it to believe it, because it won’t happen. You have to believe in your fantasy. And not just believe, you have to be obsessed by it. Because society will tell you that the odds are against you, that you’ll fail horribly, that you’re crazy, or a loser, or wasting your time. Society will tell you to give up. Your friends will tell you, in so many words, to give up. Your partners, your parents, many people will tell you to just give up.
You can’t give up. If you give up on what’s important to you, you give up on yourself. Once that happens, it’s over. You can tell yourself, “Well, whatever, I’ll write the book/lose the weight/meet a good man etc. later.” How exactly is that going to happen? Right. It won’t.
If you don’t believe you can do it now, and if you’re not creating the patterns which allow you to do it, you’ll get sucked into these patterns of failure, fear, self-doubt and resignation. And it will never happen. But… if you stick with it…your confidence will start to grow. Your belief in yourself will start to grow. You’ll have small successes, and yes many failures along the way… but the failures won’t matter that much anymore, and the successes will get larger. I promise you this is true for whatever change you want to make. I promise you.
But you must be honest with yourself, you must understand your role in where your life has taken you. Why are you stuck in a crap job? Why do you date men who treat you like shit? Why are you overweight? You have to be honest with yourself to understand your behavior so you can change it. And you must be willing to believe in yourself even when no one else will or can or should. Some people might say it’s lonely…I think it’s liberating.
You have to see it to build it. And you can do this.
Want some help? Email me @firstname.lastname@example.org.