Adventures in Sabotaging Yourself
Eventually, I’m just going to give up and re-name this business, “1-800-Stop-Sabotaging,” and be done with it, since increasingly, that seems to be the focus of my work with clients: helping them not destroy themselves. Helping them to avoid shooting themselves in the foot and then putting that video on YouTube. Because that seems to be a national trend; not only do people sabotage their personal and/or professional lives, they do it with panache. You almost have to admire that. Almost.
Earlier this week, a friend showed me an incredibly vicious email she had received from a woman convinced…well, I’m not crazy so I’m not entirely sure what this woman was convinced of, but somehow this individual thought she could send my friend a disgustingly cruel email, and then ask, “Oh, but you’ll just keep this between us, right?” Oh. Right. Of course, I’m going to protect you after you brutally attacked me, yes, your secret of being a sociopath is safe with me! (Actually, your “secret” has probably been out for years. In fact, probably everyone in your industry knows you’re crazy and that you don’t know how to use a computer. #justsayin’) Isn’t this was abusers and other predators do? Attack people and then presume their victims will keep the secret? Classy.
For the record, allow me to remind everyone that just because at the bottom of your email, below that unfortunate Ayn Rand quote which is also the reason your networking isn’t going anywhere…anyway, below that nonsense, where you have that legal gibberish about the contents of this email are private etc…ok, just because that’s written there, when you cut your head off and hand it, dripping and festooned, to your enemies on a platter, no, they owe you no favors. No, when you act like an ass, and leave a paper trail…ladies and gentlemen, sit and back and relax, this evening’s performance will be starting shortly.
That’s why, friends, next time you’re tempted to send that furious text/email/sext etc…whoa. Step back from your computer/device. Take a deep breath. Take a walk. Hit the gym. Get laid. Go walk a shelter dog. Take your grandmother to lunch. Go ogle some photos of the young Steve McQueen. Think about all the people who depend on you and understand that when you make it so very easy for another person to destroy your career, when all that person–the same person you furiously attacked–has to do is forward the email to your superiors, or post it on their blog with your name in the keywords, or send it to the many websites which make emails like this their bread and butter…do you seriously think they won’t? Seriously? This might also be an excellent time to consider getting some treatment for all that anger. Maybe start seriously thinking about why you want to spread such rage.
This type of behavior, to me, is the essence of sabotage. This girl, for example, was feeling extremely threatened by my friend (i.e. her brain chemicals were all out of wack, and she was probably feeling shittier than usual about herself). But instead of going for a run, or going for a drink, or I don’t know, teaching disadvantage children in Brooklyn to read, she got caught up in the passion of humiliating someone else. Except–and here’s the cosmic joke–all she succeed in doing was humiliating herself. And now my friend has that email, and oh snapshots of that email. My friend is a beautiful soul so she didn’t forward that email to Gawker, or Jezebel; she didn’t post it on Twitter, or Facebook. She didn’t blog it. But let’s face it, this chick is probably going to keep hitting send on vile bits of trash and eventually someone else will. The essence of sabotage is when you don’t value yourself, you put into motion actions that will lead to your failure, to your destruction. The essence of sabotage is allowing your self-loathing to triumph. What a waste.
My clients know better than to hit send, but if after reading this article, you’re feeling a slight sense of dread…shoot me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org, and let’s see how I can help you! Become a fan of my Facebook page, “Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta,” for a free consultation.