Friday quickie vent
This blog is about creativity coaching, yes? It’s, theoretically, about me reaching out to you, Dear Reader, and helping you become empowered and passionate about what makes you tick.
Okay, but sometimes, this blog becomes my space for venting. As in, when I made the mistake of reading Jamie Bufalino’s Get Naked column in this week’s Time Out New York. But my venting today, boys and girls, is not so much about Mr. Bufalino, as about the second letter-writer. Here’s a link: http://newyork.timeout.com/sex-dating/2283697/get-naked
(*musical pause here, as you read the second letter*)
Whoa. Where to start, right? Let’s make it clear: I’m certainly no dating ‘expert’, whatever that might mean, but I have run through, um I meant “dated” more than my fair share of mens. I have enjoyed myself. I wouldn’t say I’m the easiest person in the world to date (Ha!), but I am fun. I like to drink. I an excellent conversationalist. I show a lot of cleavage. I have an inappropriate sense of humor, and crucially, I enjoy being naked with a good-looking boy. So, maybe I’m no expert, but I have some basic sense to share with the letter-writer, as in: Are you for serious?? How are you, a 40-year-old woman, seriously wondering if this guy is going to change, if he’s “committed to getting help,” given his history of cheating on every single woman in his life? Um, what to the what! I know what you want to hear–that yes, your love can change him-but let’s be honest, shall we?
He’s 51; he’s cheated on every relationship; he’s cheated on you a number of times. And news-flash: these are only the instances that you know about… This isn’t a sex-addiction. This is the joy of cheating. The thrill of, probably, knowing that there are lots of women out there who want to have sex with him. Pretty pathetic, right?
And, let’s be clear: his behavior has nothing whatsoever to do with you. He cheats because he enjoys it. (So your attempt to justify his actions due to your extended absences is also horse-sh*t, sorry. You could be there 24/7 and he’ll still find a way to cheat. To him, cheating = fun!)
I know: what’s really painful is the realization that you’re not “special,” that even though he cheated on all the others, somehow your love didn’t “change” him. That can be a depressing thought to consider. It can make you wonder if there’s something wrong with you? (Answer: No, there isn’t. Not a damn thing.)
Instead, you could understand that you are special to one person, the person to whom it should really matter: yourself. You could understand that and cut your loses, hit the road and stop wasting your time with this “loving father and successful executive.” What, btw, does his “success” have to do with the fact that he’s a cheating mofo?
Don’t confuse the issue: he always has cheated, he always will cheat. So even if he wins a MacArthur Genius Award: he’s still a cheater. His lies to you, about his “sex addiction,” are boring and predictable; your lies to yourself are the heart of the matter.
This is NYC. My research has confirmed that there are a lot of fun boys out there, looking to meet women. And you’re stuck on this loser…why?