How to talk to a co-worker with a disability

My friend Leslie Martin-Breslin and I met several years ago, when she had written a book about her father’s battle with Alzheimer’s. Leslie had read my piece for Huffington Post, So, You Want to Write a Book?, and she was interested in my marketing advice for authors.  When we were able to laugh after a tumultuous conversation regarding my ideas vs. hers–and not just laugh, but laugh till we cried–we ended up as friends. Leslie is one of those friends who call you, saying, “Oh, I just need 5 minutes to tell you something,” and then suddenly, 3 hours have passed, and you’re hoarse and light-headed from laughing so much. 

Leslie works for WorkReadyTexas.com, as a sort of bossy mama bear hands-on job coach for men and women, teenagers and adults who, despite having a wide variety of disabilities want to work. Her clients really want to work. How good is Leslie at her job? So good that she’s helped adults without disabilities, who just happen to be at the same group interviews as her clients, get jobs. (In a battle between Leslie and any hiring manager, my money’s ALWAYS going to be on Leslie, because she cares.)

After telling me some eye-opening stories of what these men and women had to endure–such as the “genius” hiring manager who kept turning his back on the deaf applicant he was interviewing…oy.–we got to talking about how many people have no personal experience with people with disabilities and therefore, for a variety of reasons, have no idea how to treat them. How many hiring managers and employees don’t know how to make their colleagues with disabilities understand that they are an integral part of the team. What a shame! People want to work, and instead are disparaged and discouraged for not being perfect. I don’t know about you, but I am damn sure that I am not perfect. And I have zero interest in financially supporting any company or workplace that is going to demean people who are not perfect either. As a coach who has helped Harvard graduates, rain-maker attorneys, and prize-winning artists, I know that everyone, at one point or another, needs some help…and there’s not a damn thing wrong with that. Everyone learns differently. Everyone benefits from a workplace that prizes empathy. 

 As a public service, my friend Leslie wrote this common-sense guide on how best to create positive working relationships with co-workers who have disabilities. Spoiler alert: recognizing others as humans is always a great rule of thumb. 

The work environment can be a rich and wonderful place to meet and interact with people from many walks of life. If you, or a friend of yours, have people with disabilities on your team, and are wondering how to talk to them, here are some tips:

1. Be friendly and open. Ask them how they are doing, or how their day has been.

2. Personal space is important. People with certain disabilities do not like to be touched. Others may need a certain amount of personal space. Respect an arms’ length distance, until told and/or shown otherwise.

3. Be patient! People with certain disabilities may have difficulty getting their thoughts together. Give them a minute to let them collect themselves. You (should) already recognize that everyone works at different speeds, and being impatient with people is a great way to undermine their confidence and abilities. Don’t be that asshole guy.

4. Talk normally… but pay attention to speaking too fast. There is no need to  use baby talk, or speak either abnormally loudly, or slowly. You may simply need to slow down what you are saying, if it is lengthy, to make sure you are understood.

5. Ask questions. Everyone likes it when someone takes an interest in them. People with disabilities are no different.

6. Understand that one-word answers may have to suffice. Some people with certain disabilities don’t say a lot when asked questions. Some people take extra time to feel comfortable and let down their guard.

7. Do not take lack of eye contact as rudeness. People with certain disabilities have difficulty making eye contact. Again: be patient.

8. Talk about everyday things, just like you would with any other co-worker. People with disabilities are just like you: they have a wide range of interests. They go to movies, watch TV, follow sports, etc.. Take the time to find out what their interests are. Take the time to make a human connection, and see how everyone’s work benefits.

9. Realize sarcasm doesn’t always translate. Some people with certain disabilities do not understand sarcasm. Speak directly so there are no misunderstandings.

10. Be inclusive. People with disabilities want to fit in and be part of the group, just like everybody else. Do not exclude them from group conversations, because you think that they don’t understand.

Remember, everyone is different, so some of these tips may or may not apply. But everyone, whether they have a disability or not, wants to be treated with dignity and respect.

-Leslie Martin-Breslin

About the author: Leslie was born in NYC, raised in the suburbs of Chicago, and currently resides in North Central Texas. She is the author of Forgotten Tomorrows, Crazy Todays, which is available on Amazon (Kindle & Paperback). Leslie is a former stand-up comic, now working as an Autism-Certified Supported Employment Specialist. She is a wife, and mother to two boys, one of whom is on the Autism Spectrum. Got any further hints, based on your experiences? Great! Please share them in the comments section, or you feel free to email the author, lesliebreslin@gmail.com.