Ambitious Mondays: Coping Skills Edition
As a coach, it sometimes seems that I spend a lot of time encouraging clients, who feel that their best years are behind them, to step back from the ledge and calm the hell down. I cannot help you if you’re hyperventilating. And yes, I know exactly how it feels to look back at your life, whether you’re 21 or 51, and not be able to make sense of it. Anyone who is honest will tell you that he/she has been there. A lot of what I do with clients is letting them vent, and then calming them down so we can start crafting a strategy to create the opportunities they believe (melodramatically and incorrectly) are forever lost to them.
But if you’re reading this, and you’re still in a good situation–at least, on paper–but you can feel that you’re starting to lose your grip: remain calm, learn from other people’s mistakes, and all will be well. I’ve also been in that situation, by the way. One of my last jobs in network news was so poisonous that I eventually gave in to my panic and desperation…and went to law school. (*cackling*) I won’t tell you the name of the show or the network, but you’d definitely know it. I was barely 30, running the shop…and yet I was miserable. It was an utterly miserable environment, but to people on the outside looking in, it appeared as if my career was on fire. My best friend would gush over my “amazing” job…and I’d want to break her jaw. I felt tremendously ashamed to work there and yet, to people outside of the industry, it appeared that my life was enviable. I didn’t have any anger issues; I was simply furious. No issues, just rage.
And so, I left, went to law school, and after years of struggle and stress, I got this business up and running. But let’s presume that you, at home, would like a slightly less exhausting journey. Good idea!
If you have a job that on paper is fantastic, and prestigious, but in reality makes you want to want to alternatively kill the world and weep in the shower, before you do anything hasty, calm down. Before you throw everything away, before you give up on yourself: relax. You’re still employed, so this is a great time to start working on your coping skills, as you create a long-term strategy to get a better job using the prestige and power of your current job. Because no matter how miserable you are, if you quit, it’ll be worse. You’ll have 5 minutes of pure glee…and then mounting, paralyzing horror as you realize you have to start looking for another job, and this time, you’ll have to explain to potential employers why you quit your position. Ugh.
Much better if, like pretty much every other functioning adult, you cultivate your coping skills, so you can keep your eyes on the prize of a long-term job search. You’re already in suffering: why not use that anger to help yourself instead of throwing yourself away?
By “coping skills,” I mean everything from starting your day with yoga, or watching cartoons, to running a half-marathon every morning, so you can keep yourself under control. I’m talking about keeping at your desk a photo of your partner, kids or pets as a reminder of why you can’t quit. I’m talking about making time every day to do something, just for you, that makes you happy. I’m talking about figuring out a routine that allows you to keep everything in perspective: the perspective of why your job is loathsome balanced with how that same loathsome position will eventually allow you to achieve your professional goals. You might have to write it on pieces of paper that you place around your apartment, so you’re constantly reminded of why you’re currently enduring this crap. Go volunteer, perform stand-up on the weekends, take acting classes, write a play, rock-climb, run a marathon, garden, write poems on your lunch break, paint in the mornings, hit the gym during lunch and exhaust yourself with a power workout that relaxes you…these are the coping skills people cultivate to keep them sane.
Because, I promise you–though you already know this, of course–that the people you admire DO THE SAME DAMN THINGS. The people you admire worked many (miserable) jobs and gave themselves many, oh so many pep talks to make it through crap jobs, jobs that eventually allowed them to create the opportunities they needed to get much better jobs.The people who don’t have coping skills? They’re the ones who are constantly stuck, constantly starting at zero. Don’t sabotage yourself like this. You deserve your best.
Let’s face it: success is very challenging, and self-destruction is all too easy. How many people do you know who have given up on themselves? All too many, unfortunately. A great deal of your success will be based on your commitment to yourself. And a great deal of that commitment will be in creating “coping skills” to help you survive your life and emotions on your way up the ladder.