An Actor’s (Imperfect) Life

An Actor’s (Imperfect) Life

December 17, 2014 Uncategorized 0

(Several years ago, I was introduced to Amanda through a mutual friend. We survived an odious comedy show together and made each other laugh and voila: a friendship was born!  As I’ve built up my coaching business, and  heightened my interest in helping artists, Amanda has been a great guinea pig inspiration; one of my many talented, fearless friends who teach me as much I do them. A working professional actress, I asked her if she’d be interested in writing for the blog and she delighted me with this bold piece on the hard choices that she makes, every day, in her determination to construct a life for herself that is worthy on her terms. Enjoy!)

When I graduated from the UK’s prestigious Royal Academy of Dramatic Art (RADA) with a Master’s degree two years ago, I felt, as many people do, that I was going to take over the world, that it was going to be different, that I would come back to the US a huge success.  The reality involved living at my mom’s for four months, before coming back to New York to get a job in a restaurant.

Theater is a notoriously underpaid profession.  Even with a union, actors often make about $400 a week.  If it’s not a union job (of which there are many), actors are lucky to get their transportation paid.  So actors (as artists have for years) must support themselves by working flexible jobs that allow them to build a schedule around their artistic endeavors.  Often what makes actors leave the theater isn’t the theater itself, but the grinding, soul-crushing work they must do to pay their bills.  I worked in theater non-stop for a decade, for some very reputable – famous, even – companies.  During the same time, despite two professional degrees, I also held a number of mind-numbing side jobs.

I have great stories: working coat-check at a night-club for ten hours straight under a manager who was stingy with bathroom breaks.  The countless restaurants where some waiter/chef spent his whole shift sexually harassing me.  That one restaurant where I dated a waiter AND the chef at the same time (oops!).  For an actor, having to put up with the trials of a survival job is often the hardest part.  Living paycheck to paycheck, dealing with the frequently rude public, being part of a negative and toxic team (with other actors who would rather be somewhere else too!)… these are the things that keep you awake at night wondering what would have happened if you got your Masters in tax law instead.  It’s not the theater that breaks your heart, it’s everything else.

Theater is in me.  It’s the great love of my life.  It makes me feel alive, empathetic, and full of energy.  It’s the most fun thing.  When I’m rehearsing a show, I am literally playing with friends.  Despite dealing with rejection after rejection, the theater community is one of the most accepting and loving.  And despite being fairly cash poor, actors are rich in experience.  We are pursuing what makes us the most happy.  We are sacrificing a “normal life” (according to many of our families) of steady paychecks, property owning, and (often) children.  A life in the theater is worth working crappy jobs, sourcing the cheapest happy hour and forgoing that new couch/coat/car.  At least it is for me.

And then I got tired of the mental atrophy, the attitudes, and the race against time.  Actors tend to think in the short term: “If I get that role, I can totally work this shitty waitressing job for another two months.”  But my shitty jobs started to wear me down.  I would be exhausted when I got home, and not want to go to auditions.  My people skills started to disappear, and I felt grouchy all the time.  I didn’t want to live like that anymore.  But I didn’t want to give up theater either.

So when I returned to New York after an inspiring graduate program to that in-between restaurant job, I knew I wouldn’t survive in the industry long if I didn’t change everything else.  I began to think of other jobs I could do that I wouldn’t hate, that would make me feel productive and creative.  And that, most importantly, would allow to pursue acting for the long haul.

I needed to come to terms with the fact that just because I’m not making all of my living as an actor, I haven’t failed.  I have a masters from the best drama school in the world.  I’ve lived in three different countries.  My resume is very impressive.  I’ve been in countless plays, on stage countless times.  And finally, after two years of serious soul and job searching, I have a survival job that pays the bills and that I LIKE.  Where there’s room for growth, and yet tons of flexibility.  That makes me feel like I can pursue acting for the long-haul, instead of counting the days until I can leave and “go be an actor again.”  Being satisfied and productive everyday has made me a better actor, less desperate.  I feel well-rounded.  I feel better about myself.  I’m living a life that I love even if it is not perfect.

No matter what career or life goal you are pursuing, you have to take care of yourself in the interim.  The cliche is true: life is what happens when you’re making other plans. If you’re not enjoying your life, you may need to examine it deeply and see what you can change, so that you live happily today, instead of counting on the future.

Amanda Thickpenny is an actress, living in New York City.  She has the most fun playing roles that Shakespeare originally wrote for men.  She is still perfecting her work/life balance, particularly allowing for lots of international travel.  You can find her at www.amandathickpenny.com and on Twitter @SkinnyNickel. 

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