And so it goes.
I could basically spend the rest of my life blogging, “Some people learn from their mistakes, and some people don’t,” and I’d be done. That maxim would pretty much sum up this wonderful, odious, bizarre, exasperating, sexy, depressing, crazy, fun, terrifying thing called life. Some people choose to learn, some people choose not to learn. And so it goes, as Vonnegut wrote.
I was thinking about this recently when a new client visited my office, and arrived about ten minutes late to her first session. I knew that she was really screwing up her courage to meet me–you’d be surprised how many people view seeking help as admitting failure, and so prefer to stay stuck and miserable–so I didn’t say anything about her tardiness. Somehow, I didn’t think it’d be great to start things off, berating her. Call me crazy. Anyway, we had a great session, and before she left, she took a breath and said something very smart about how sometimes people are late to important events, due to their belief, really their fear, that no one cares about them, so they figure why not be late, what does it matter.
I understood that this was her way of apologizing to me, and I was impressed by her emotional insight. That, to me, is the epitome of allowing yourself to succeed: understanding why you fail, identifying why you fail–the choices you make, the fears you have, for example–and doing what you can to avoid repeating those destructive patterns. That doesn’t mean, for example, that this young woman will never ever be late again. That doesn’t mean that she’ll never ever feel insecure. But if she can identify for herself why she takes actions that don’t help her, and thus, stop herself from continuing to take those actions…bingo. It seems so easy, but of course, it’s the hardest thing in the world: to figure yourself out, and to take make sense of yourself, perhaps even believing that you can, over time, become the person you want to be.
Therefore, when this woman called me, about a week later, to tell me that she got a great new job, she was shocked, and breathless… but I wasn’t that surprised. Thrilled, but not very surprised. She, not me, after all, was the person who thought she had nothing to offer the world. I had seen, and been very impressed by her resume. She just needed help to out-run her doubts, fears and other voracious demons. No one can sabotage you, like you can. Alternatively, once you start understanding yourself, and getting out of your own way, you can (quickly) reap some amazing rewards.
