Are we addicted to fear?

Are we addicted to fear?

July 20, 2014 Uncategorized 0

So, earlier this morning, I’m running errands, getting groceries, and in the checkout line at the supermarket, I notice the latest issue of Reader’s Digest with the if-it-bleeds-it-leads cover, “TERROR At The Beach”…and I sort of chuckle, bitterly. I, after all, spent almost a decade of my life working in TV news–years I’ll never get back, to use, somehow, to the planet’s betterment, instead of how I wasted them…snarling at producers, and assuring anchors who shall remain nameless, that no, the Aryan Nation isn’t really a nation, per se–so I know alll about “news you can use.”  And by “use,” I mean “use to sell advertising.” That’s really the only way fear is useful.

Some of you are thinking, “Good luck with that, hippie.” Yes, you’re right, fear can stop you from making a terrible decision: I am fearful of ending up in some serial killer’s freezer, so I do not hitchhike. (When I was 18 and crazy (#samedifference), I hitchhiked with my BFF all over Ireland, and given some of the “people” who gave us rides, I have no good explanation as to why we’re still alive. Shout out to the Jewish Carpenter in the sky, since for reals: we were morons.) So yes, fear can be useful. But fear can also take over our lives. I know people, born and raised in America, for example, who have never been to Ireland, because of their fear of ending up dead due to some terrorist’s bomb. I’d personally be more worried, frankly, about the long-term effects of alcoholic poisoning, but unfortunately, fear is insidious, and it will, if you allow it, stop you from living your most authentic life. In that sense, fear can become its own deadly addiction.

Speaking of addictions, in my opinion, the editors at Reader’s Digest are using fear to sell: some people will see the words “shark attack,” on the cover and buy the magazine, looking forward to delicious thrills and chills. Sex sells, but fear gives us another way to be aroused. After all, why do so many people love horror films? (I ADORE horror films, though given my active imagination, I always end up sleeping with all the lights on. After seeing Paranormal Activity, I forced my boyfriend to come with me to the bathroom. Not once, but several times.  Once the thrill wore off, he didn’t find me quite so adorable.)

I’m just saying: why is Reader’s Digest telling you all about the horrors of shark attacks at the beach? How is this info going to be helpful? Do you really need to know about traumatic and bloody shark attacks? Aren’t most of us under enough stress? But fear is what sells. What I dislike about fear-inducing headlines, is that unfortunately, the suggestion of (highly unlikely) shark attacks is going to cause some people to stay home, and avoid the beach. FYI: This is your life! Go to the beach. Allow yourself to have some fun. The sharks aren’t into you, relax.

One of the major reasons I left TV news was that I was increasingly disgusted to be part of an industry so committed to nurturing people’s fears. I remember waking up at 11pm–yes, towards the end, though in charge, I was working overnight, putting 3 different shows on the air, so you can imagine how incredibly sexy my life was–and feeling tremendously guilty that my parents had paid for my college education, when I was going to spend the night cutting VOs of water-skiing squirrels and the latest celeb product placement “romance.” Nor  was I proud of the news packages I put together featuring interviews with “experts,” their “expertise” consisting of enlightening our viewers about all the various horrors lurking in the world, just waiting to destroy them and the American way of life. Oy. (If you think I’m grumpy now…ha! Clients who tell me they can take me yelling at them, make me want to giggle: that’s not yelling. They’ve never heard me yelling. If you want to hear me yelling, turn back the clock to 2003, when we invaded Iraq, and my team was working around the clock, and it’s 3am, and my producer tells me she can’t find the feed necessary for the lead package. On a scale of 1-5, I was Hitler. This was me: Hitler’s rant)

I’m passionate today about not giving in to fear,  because before I started this business, I cultivated my own luxuriant fears. In 2004, I didn’t have the courage to start this business–which I had been thinking about since 1999–instead–wait for it–I went to law school. (That sounds like something you’d admit in group therapy in a woman’s prison: “Hi, my name is Carlota and I went to law school.” “‘Sup, Ma, how you doin’?”) Was I interested in law school? Did I have some kind of  To Kill a Mockingbird-inspired fantasy of righting the world’s wrongs? Not so much. I was just very fearful and depressed…and so I went to law school. (People who have survived attended law school are laughing bitterly, given that law school is essentially a three year “Stockholm Syndrome” experiment.) It took me another 4 fours of depression, fear and gin and tonics (make mine a double!), before I finally realized that I had already lost whatever it was I was so afraid of losing, and just gave up and started this business. #goodtimes (Me & Bobby McGee)

I’m not going to pretend that currently my life is fearless and glitter and unicorns all day long. Oh my no.  There’s plenty of fear and stress and angst. But I have learned my (expensive) lesson and now, if something terrifies me, I jump on it. When new clients, for example, come to me seeking help in areas I haven’t previously coached, I do my research and dive on in. Invariably, those are the clients who change my life. Those are the clients who leave my office saying, “I knew you’d be the perfect person to talk to!” And I giggle, and toss my hair, while inwardly I’m thinking,”…hm, glad you knew that, because I woke up this morning with a pit of fear in my stomach.”

My point is yes, there are many things to fear in our wild and wicked world. So much stupidity, cruelty and hatred. But, guess what?There’s also a great deal of joy and wonder. Whatever you choose to commit to, is exactly what you’ll get back. So if you commit to your fears, your fears will reward you with a lot more fears and much less life. On the other hand, if you confront your fears, and refuse–through trial and error- to allow them to determine your choices, you’ll end up having a lot more joy in your life. A lot more fun. A lot more of yourself in your life. Ignore the sharks, the water’s fine!

RD

 

 

 

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