Don’t give yourself away…
As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior, without your consent.” I passionately agree with this…but that does NOT mean that I don’t get intimidated myself, or that I don’t have empathy with clients, when they make it clear that they’d rather have root-canal surgery done without anesthesia, than attend an important networking event, or otherwise present themselves to the world, due to their feelings of intimidation. Intellectually, sure, we all know that it’s stupid to allow others to make us feel inadequate…emotionally, meanwhile, we’re in the fetal position, under the covers, with the blinds pulled, and door locked. Sniveling.
But, of course, the problem with giving in to our feelings of inferiority, our intimidation, is that these feelings only grow, and fester. Thus, for example, if you hear about a job that excites you, but you’re intimidated by the company, or the responsibility attached to the position, and so you “helpfully” outline for yourself all the myriad of reasons you’ll never get the position…okay, so you don’t have to apply. You’re “safe.” Fine. But where does that “safety” get you? You’re still stuck at a job you loathe, a job that clearly makes you doubt and distrust your potential and talent. Meanwhile, someone else is going to apply for and get that position. And you may eventually meet that person and think,”…are you f**king serious? YOU?!” Well, while you were busy sabotaging yourself, this person went for it. (Irritating.)
I see this a lot with clients who want to write books, yet always have a reason why they’re too busy or why their book would never get published. Meanwhile, they’re sending me links to horrible books that are being touted as “masterpieces.” And I say, “Right, you and I might think it’s crap…BUT IT IS WRITTEN! Someone did more writing, and less damn whining! Your book might indeed be a true masterpiece, but we’ll never know will we?” And then clients start twitching, giving me The Look…
Imagine all of the things you’re not allowing yourself to do, because you’re intimidated by people you’ve never met. That should irritate you. You should be frustrated. You should be very frustrated that you’re so quick to give away all your personal power, when you could be using it to do exciting and empowering things.
Trust me, I get intimidated all the time. And then I grit my teeth and work through it. True story: before I moved to Russia, in the summer of 1996, I would wake up in the middle of the night, sick to my stomach. I thought I was crazy. I worried I was making the biggest mistake of my life. But I already had purchased the tickets, so I went. Was it brutally hard, at first? It was miserable. I love Russia, and Russians (…some more than others…), but those first six months were devastating. Then I got a job, and I started making friends, and my Russian got better and better and one day, talking on the phone with someone, he asked me where in Moscow I had grown up, because my accent was so “local.” (It may have also been because, like many Muscovites, I was so rude, but let’s focus on the positive, dammit.) Those years in Russia still, to this day, continue to benefit my life. But if I had given in to my fears, and intimidation, I’d have missed out on so much. I’d have missed out on myself!
I don’t want you to miss out on yourself. If you’re intimidated, listen, it’s normal. But take a deep breath, and remember that everyone gets intimidated at times. Take another deep breath, and then do the thing that terrifies you: apply for your dream job, run that marathon, write that book, hike across Spain, start a podcast…because at the end of that experience, you’ll have lost a lot of that intimidation…and gained a great deal of yourself. #gettowork