Eyes Wide Shut

Eyes Wide Shut

July 29, 2015 Uncategorized 0

I have a coaching client who, after being “wooed” for an extended period by a potential new employer, finally had the necessary come-to-Jesus meeting with the management team, to hash out all the final details. Except that the more she and the new team tried to clear up the so-called “minor” details, the more it became apparent that these minor detail were ginormous. The more it became apparent to my client that they none of them were speaking the same language.

The call lasted almost two hours and by the end of it, my client was almost in tears, while the employer needed to “think about things.” They needed to “think about,” the fact that the client had behaved like a competent adult, and done her research, and had realistic, understandable questions about expenses, and responsibilities. My client had questions, her potential employers wanted her to “just wing it.” (Keep in mind that the same potential employer made her a promise, months ago, over dinner, regarding  salary and when she mentioned said promise, the employer said, quickly, “Oh but that was a dinner, that was over wine; that’s not serious.” Excuse you. People’s careers are not just dinner party conversation! #ragerising)

Anyway, after the call, the client was of course upset. She knew she had done the right thing—what does it say about a company when they treat, with suspicion or anger, your intelligent comments and concerns? It says, you need to get the hell out of there!—but of course, after all of the wooing, she felt a bit deflated.

A part of her, of course, wanted to deny what her gut was telling her, and pretend that all will be well…if she could just ignore the red flags. But, in that sense, getting hired is a lot like dating, n’est pas? If you’ve decided that a certain man or woman is The One, no matter how he treats you, or what she says…if you feel that your very happiness, that the measure of your existence is in getting her to acknowledge love you, even as she continues to disparage you…come on, be serious, how is this relationship going to work? How is the marriage going to work, if you find him cheating even before the ceremony? (Spoiler alert: Oh, for Yahweh’s sake, seriously, shut up, sit down.)

You’re going to end up like all those other frustrated people who refuse to learn from their mistakes and then say, “She tricked me….she’s a witch!” Oh, don’t you wish. Don’t you wish you were the center of some global cabal to trick and deceive and manipulate you. Don’t you wish that someone at a higher level cared that much about you? Get over yourself. No one cares. No one can trick you like you can trick yourself.

The real trick is to be honest with yourself, whether it comes to dating or work, and listen to what people say—not what you want them to say—and understand other people’s actions, for good or ill,  clearly. No one can trick you like you can trick yourself.

 

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