Keeping up with yourself
Yesterday, on our 7th (…wow, where has the time gone…!) small business podcast, my co-host Marie Segares and I, talked about the destructive lure of comparing yourself to…well, anyone but yourself. When I started this business, in 2008, I wasted a lot of time comparing myself to other entrepreneurs and other coaches, to people who had been small business owners for decades longer than I. I compared myself, and of course I always lost in the comparison. Such is the nature of comparison: it makes you feel bad, it wastes your own time, and it can really destroy your drive. I compared myself to others, thinking, “…how am I ever going to match up…?” Not only would I feel dispirited and empty, but another day would have been wasted, masturbating my misery, when I could have been doing oh I don’t know, even one damn constructive thing. So much energy expended on making myself feel like sh*t, and not a dollar to show for it.
The point being, when I was busy comparing myself to all these other people–really, to the perceived public image of these other people, because I had no idea what really went on, behind the closed doors of their lives–all I did was kill my own drive, and waste my own time.
Listen: the world will make you feel small, you don’t need to help it. The world has incredible experience at making us all feel small, insignificant, powerless, meaningless and lonely. The world’s been doing this sh*t for ages. But if you’re trying to change your life–whether it’s starting a blog about cats, or writing a book or launching a YouTube cooking show–you absolutely must believe in the validity and power of your own ideas. You must believe that you have something important to contribute. If not…forget it. You don’t have to know exactly how your ideas are going to change the world, you can be fuzzy on the details, but you must believe in yourself.
Because while you’re dismissing yourself, someone else is going to grab the brass ring, and a year or two from now you’ll be reading reviews of someone else’s published book, or watching someone else’s YouTube cooking channel thinking,”…dammit, I could have done that!”
Do not cheat yourself. You truly have no idea how other people live. You may think that someone else is “lucky” or “pretty,” but you have no idea how hard they worked. Maybe they’re living off credit cards, or a trust fund, or simply living frugally. Maybe while you were making excuses and committing to your misery, and catering your pity parties, they were committing to their dreams.
And while you’re wasting your (precious) energy and passion being jealous about someone else…what do you end up with? A whole lot of frustration and heartache. If you’re looking for reasons to give up on an idea that excites you, a better use of your time may be to ask yourself why you can’t simply believe in yourself? Why must you undermine yourself? Why are you so quick to doubt yourself?
If you must compare yourself to someone, compare yourself to the person you were one year ago. If you’re lucky enough to have a passion that burns inside of you, and makes your heart beat faster…you are very lucky indeed. Commit to that passion, and do your best. Acknowledge that you will make (many) mistakes, that you won’t be perfect–thank god, since perfection is such a boring, buzz-kill–and get to work.
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