“Like every day I go to work is a death sentence.”

“I just read your blog on HuffingtonPost.com after googling “I don’t know what to do with my life” and “how to get a better job” for the millionth time. After sifting through the generic hoopla of the first dozen sites, I stumbled upon your post. It was just what I needed. It was something real, something tangible, and something written from the frustrations of someone who’s been there and done that. Life is going nowhere for me. Like every day I go to work is a death sentence. I’m only 26 and I want more out of life. Your post really inspired me, but I don’t know where to begin.”-J.

Heartbreaking. I was going to write that this kind of attitude is heartbreaking at age 26, but I personally felt that way when I was 35, and I’ve worked with clients who feel that way at 55, or 15, or 43. It’s never pretty to hate your life. Feeling trapped in your life, feeling powerless in your life is devastating at any age. But, it doesn’t have to be the end. You always have the power to change.

I started this business at age 35, when I had just graduated from law school, and the thought of getting a job as an attorney made me want to cry. I had lists of firms to apply to, of attorneys to network with…and absolutely no incentive, whatsoever, to do any of it. Why would I do all the work necessary to get a job I didn’t want? If you’re
wondering why I went to law school, the short answer is: I was a coward, who didn’t know what else to do with her life, and I learned a very expensive and very valuable lesson. Translation: It was the most miserable experience ever…and I’ve worked for Nancy Grace, so that’s saying something. Eventually, out of pure desperation, I started this coaching business, so when, nowadays, I receive emails like this, oh I’ve been there, my friend.

Let’s say you’re in the same boat as our email writer, but maybe you’re not ready to hire a coach. Here’s how you, at home, can get started on finding a job you actually enjoy. First of all, be honest with yourself: what exactly is it about your job that you dislike? Don’t say, “Fucking everything,” since that’s not helpful. Is it the actual company, or management, the way people in the office treat you…or is the work itself? Are you, for example, a person given to words, but working with numbers all day? Are you someone who hates researching and writing, working at a position in which the biggest part of your day is doing just that? You have to start identifying what exactly is wrong, in order to change it. If what you hate about your job are the people you work with, okay, is this something that can be resolved with therapy, or do you work in such a miserable cesspool of an office that you have to get a similar job elsewhere? (Again, years ago, I worked in network news, where, for example, I saw people having fist fights and using cocaine in the control room, so I know allll about toxic offices. And then there was that time the anchor threw a water-cooler at me…memories!)

But, if you can’t identify, in an intelligible manner, what’s wrong with your job: is there anything you enjoy? Anything at all? Look over your past jobs: was there anything in those jobs that you did enjoy? The ancients said, “Know thyself,” for a reason: you can’t change your life, you can’t resolve your problems, if you cannot identify them. Otherwise, you’re just running from one problem to another. But if you can go through your past and identify, say, a type of job you’ve always enjoyed having, or even a certain industry you always found interesting: okay, that’s a start.

If, for example, you realize you always enjoyed jobs with a lot of research, you can Google “research jobs,” and see what comes up. Look for jobs and industries. At the same time, join your alumni associations and see when the next networking event is, get a clean suit or dress, grab a handful of business cards and go. (Don’t give me that look; you’re the one who hates your job. You think you’re going to get a new job watching Netflix and drinking bottles of white wine? You can’t. I tried. Numerous times.) Ideally, I’d like you to look over the on-line guest list of the event, and see who is going to be there so you can Google them, and find out who works in useful jobs/industries (“useful” as in “useful to your aspirations), but, let’s be realistic. You’re just starting a long process, so it’s more important that you go, and meet some people and realize that you’re not the worst loser in the world, and that yes, you actually could get a better job. The more you network, the better you’ll be at it, but in the beginning, it’s important that you simply begin. The success, or failure, of your job search will be based on your attitude and determination. If you decide that screw it, you’ve got nothing to lose, you are going to get a job…I like that. Email me, and I’ll give you a free consultation. If, on the other hand, you’ve decided that f**k it, you’ll never get a better job anyway, who cares…okay, you’ve convinced me.

This is also a good time to go through your Facebook friends, and LinkedIn connections and see whom you know who works in your ideal industries/jobs. Once you’ve identified a list, start working through these people, sending them private messages explaining that you’re trying to transition careers, you know they work for such-and-such career, and would they be generous enough to meet you for your coffee (you invite them, you pay, no matter how wealthy they are, no matter how broke you are), and let you pick their brains for advice and suggestions. People love to give advice, it makes them feel all warm inside. Don’t believe me? Go on Facebook and see people asking, and receiving, advice about everything from what grad school to attend to whether or not they should see a doctor after having a stroke.

Take these informational meetings seriously, so that your friends and LinkedIn connections can take your ambitions seriously. I myself have gone on countless informational meetings that ended in job offers: if you’re well-informed, if you’ve prepared yourself, and ask smart questions and behave like a grown-up, trust me, there will be people who will know of a jobs, and think,”Hmmm…go on.” True story: I received an offer to apply for a position at the CIA due to my behavior at an informal networking event.

These are small steps, but they’ll lead to big opportunities, to ideas about jobs and connections that you previously didn’t even know existed. Your job search won’t happen overnight…and that’s reality. I run a business based in reality, not on Ponzi schemes and “promoters,” so if you really want to change your life, bueno! You can and should create a life that makes you happy. And you don’t need power shakes or power couples to do that. You just need to get started, to learn from your mistakes, to make a plan, and to have, in abundance, grit and determination. I’ve done it, you can definitely do it. #gettowork