Nelson Lugo’s magical life

(Several weeks ago, I went to a comedy show here in NYC, at which various comedic story-tellers relayed formative experiences in their lives. While all of the performers were wonderful, Nelson Lugo, really blew my mind with his story of love, and loss and serious depression.To see a man honestly discussing an agonizing period in his life, with zero self-pity, without bathos, but strictly with tolerant humor for himself and humanity….whoa. So many people would have been destroyed by those experiences, but he had chosen joy. Wow. Before you feel sad for him, know that he is extremely hilarious, and passionately committed to doing what brings him joy, and he’s reaping some some rather huge success, as well he should. I asked him, and he was generous and gracious enough to write this beautiful piece about his journey….)

I am an artist. I perform as a magician and as a sideshow entertainer. I play on stages all along the east coast. I have recently created a solo show that I am starting to tour all over the country and I’ve just been awarded an artist-in-residency position with an off-off Broadway theater. I am very good at what I do and I’ve been doing it a very long time. Being a magician brings me great joy and a nice income. So why am I telling you this? Because, I am constantly shocked that anyone enjoys what I do – let alone even pay for it. When I am off stage I am mostly a reclusive introvert. I had an ex-girlfriend tell me that – I have all the confidence and none of the confidence at the exact same time. I have an incessant need to be liked and a crippling fear that nothing I do matters. I compare myself to my peers and colleagues all the time and always regret doing it. But you see, to me, none of those thoughts matter. How I feel about my current situation is not really important. What is important, is what I am committed to accomplishing.

Ok. Go with me on this. Feelings are great. Feelings are an important and necessary part of the human condition. However, feelings are kinda worthless. Like dropping a teacup and apologizing – the teacup is shattered and no amount of “I’m sorry” is going to fix it until you start picking up the pieces and putting it back together – because, quite frankly, the teacup doesn’t care that you are sorry. Or, love is great and wonderful and thrilling – unless of course you fall in love with the wrong types of people over and over – getting hurt over and over in the process. In that case, your feelings of love are lying to you. Unless of course you start to take control over those patterns of behavior and choose something different.

How I feel about my current situation is not going to do anything to propel it forward or resolve it in a way that works. How I feel about my situation is ONLY how I feel about my situation. More often than not, the thing I am most concerned with is, what I am committed to. As it turns out, I am committed to a bunch of things. There is a whole lot of stuff that is very important to me and my career as an artist is just one facet of my ever growing life. I don’t care (or more honestly, I try my best not to care) about the self-destructive / self-deprecating thoughts that tell me I’m not good enough. I only care about what I am committed to. Are my actions in line with what I want? If yes, keep going – if no, then choose something different. Am I getting the results I want? Great! Then what I’m doing is working. Am I getting the results I don’t want? Great! Then what I’m doing is not working.

I learned about landing my artist-in-residency position last week and it completely bowled me over. I knew it was a possibility but I was convinced that the theater would not even consider it. Getting that news was a wonderful reminder that I am on the right path – that leading with my passions is working – that all my hard work is paying off – that sticking to my commitments no matter the obstacles (both real and imagined) will always be rewarded. It’s these little victories and accomplishments that I must learn to savor because when the lean times come (and they always come) it will be these proofs that will keep me going. I collect the evidence of my commitments every day because the voice of my self-conscious brain will always be there. The evidence allows me to ignore it….most of the time. The evidence is the proof that all of those limiting conversations in my head are wrong. That in spite of – or even because of – how I might feel, I can still achieve everything I set out to do.

Get committed. Do, say, and be all the things that are in line with what you are committed to. Have and own your results. Live the life you want rather than just survive the situation you are in. And believe me, I’m writing this post just as much for me as it might be for you.

Nelson Lugo is a magician because of a magic kit he got when he was nine years old – he often wonders what would have happened if he had gotten a box of Legos instead. You can catch his solo show “Gathering The Magic” at The Tank Theater in NYC. Info at nelsonlugo.com. Follow him on Twitter @NelsonLugo.