How to Network in 5 Minutes
No. You can’t. That’s the short answer. (My inner 15 year is snorting with laughter at OMG how clever she is and, dear lord, reading “The Official Preppy Handbook” for sartorial advice http://www.amazon.com/dp/0894801406/#_swftext_Swf.)
I just wanted to clear the air regarding many people’s misconceptions about networking, especially as we enter the holiday season, which is rich with tons of wonderful opportunities for networking. If you seriously think you can go to one or two events a year, without any talking points, or real idea about what you’re looking for, and exchange business cards with strangers, then add them to your LinkedIn “network,” and say, defensively, “Gawd, Carlota, I network all the time, stop nagging me!” No. You are incorrect. That is not networking. That’s wasting your time.
I’m also speaking to the people who have 500+ LinkedIn contacts and another 500 or so close, personal friends on Facebook, but then bother going to random MeetUp speed-networking events with strangers. That, to me, is like living next door to the hottest supermodel ever, who keeps begging you to come over for naked fondue, but meanwhile, you’re on Craigslist chatting with hookers and bitching to your friends about how crazy women are, right? That gives me a grumpy. It makes my aneurysm develop a stress headache. The thing you want is right in front of you! Stop ignoring your network of friends and family and invest. In. It!
I also can’t tell you how many clients come to me with amazing resumes, chock-filled with huge brand-names, but who tell me they’re not getting the interviews they want. When I ask them what networking they’ve been doing, they shrug and say they’re pretty sure, don’t quote them, but um, they went to an alumni event back in 1993 and this one time at band-camp maybe they gave someone their business card. When I ask them if they understand that networking is an on-going commitment, like sobriety, and that the more you put into your network, the more, obviously you get out…well, this is the look I frequently get: 
Networking is about creating connections between people. It’s about meeting people as equals, no matter your different education, skills, experiences, and personalities because you all believe you have something valuable to create. It’s about being interested(!) in other people because you think you’re interesting and you want to share your time with other people who make you think and feel. Networking, when done right, can take everyone involved, to truly amazing places. But it takes time. It can take years. And…what’s the rush? I, personally, am starting to reap opportunities that I started networking years ago. Years. As in, not last Tuesday.
Collecting people on LinkedIn is. Not. Networking! It’s just a collection of people you meet at events, and probably had superficial conversations with, because you were in such a hurry to get their business cards. Networking is taking the time to have real conversations with people, to be interested in people. To invite someone you meet for coffee and you discover you have shared interests and traits, so you start hanging out, and then down the road this person mentions that his company is looking to hire and he thought of you. “Down the road,” may indeed be 3 years but because your friend suggested you, you probably will get hired for a job that will never ever be posted on line. What also counts as networking are the other people you meet through this guy, and the time you spent together just hanging out. That time you were, you know, engaged with your lives and not just posting them on Facebook? (Me and my aneurysm are cranky.)
True story: I got hired at one network because a writer from another network said to his friend, the bureau president, that he thought I was a worthwhile candidate. The next day, the bureau president’s secretary called me in for an interview and by the end of that interview, I was working. That’s what networking can do for you.
This is obviously very different from the majority of people hell-bent to change their lives yesterday and who just don’t have time to network, sorry, Carlota! Don’t apologize to me, kid. I’m not the one shooting myself in the foot as I tweet about all the things I want to do, but will not allow myself to do, because I genuinely, at heart, don’t believe I’m worth it. People in a rush forget that networking is based on trust. It takes time to develop and nurture connections. It takes a belief in yourself to get people to trust you. It takes a lifetime commitment to yourself and your network…a lifetime commitment to the belief that you’re worth it. The only thing you can get in 5 minutes is a STD. (http://instantrimshot.com/)
Before you give me that side-eye for my cheap comment, why not become a fan of my Facebook page, “Carlotaworldwide Creativity Yenta,” and then email me at carlotazee@gmail.com, to claim your free session and see how I can help you recognize, organize and invest in the network you probably don’t even know you have!
Besos,
C.