Try a little tenderness…

Try a little tenderness…

April 17, 2015 Uncategorized 0

“I find that I am often very reserved, so I tend to try and not make a big splash when doing social things. However, I’ve come to find that job hunting tends to be a very social thing in and of itself. That’s really been the biggest hurdle I’ve had to overcome. So searching with someone else gives me that added strength…There’s a lot of pressure coming from all directions to get that better job. Fear of failure adds to the frustration, and I often find that I second guess myself. My friend would keep reminding me that, “You always miss the shots you don’t take.”, so I try to keep that in mind when I start to doubt myself.”- J.E.

It’s interesting, though perhaps not very surprising, that for all of the vaunted glories and connectivity of social media, many people are just as lonely as they’ve always been. Perhaps even lonelier, since Facebook etc. tends to make us think, in our worst moments, that everyone else is off having multiple orgasms, while we’re home, drunk, covered in cat-hair, watching Netflix. Apparently that is not true. *shifty eyes* Apparently.

Social media, unfortunately, caters to the worst parts of ourselves, seemingly rewarding us for presenting a perfectly posed, burnished director’s cut of our lives while reality takes work. True love takes work. True friendships take work.  True, healthy relationships depend on honesty and empathy to survive….Friendships are hard. They’re hard and they’re worth the work. Maintaining friendships take hard work, and time and giving more than you can/should expect back. But when a friendship works out–because both of you commit and resolve to be the best people you can be, because you care…well, a friendship then becomes something like love.  When you have a friend whom you can truly be yourself with– all your glory and mistakes–who would trade that for anything??

I was thinking about all of this, due to some incidents in my own personal life, and an email conversation I had with a gentleman who read and responded to some of my Huffington Post articles. He was talking about how collaborating with a friend on their respective job hunts have, slowly but surely, improved the process for both of them. I told him that collaborating with my old friend,Marie Segareson our No Frills Small Business podcast has allowed me to learn and do things that, frankly, on my own, would have been far too overwhelming. 

I’m just suggesting that if you’re trying to do something hard, and finding yourself stuck…look around, is there someone you can share the journey with?  Having a friend with whom you can brainstorm, and create strategy with, a friend who will keep you honest, keep things in perspective with, a friend whom you can laugh with, and who will savor your successes and losses as much as you do…people like this save our lives, if not our minds.

One reason I love to brainstorm with friends and clients is that, in helping them figure their way out of tight corners, I, invariably, come up with good ideas for myself and other clients.  There’s so much stupid emphasis in our culture on being tough and manning up, somehow, on our own, on not needing to depend on others but let’s be frank: that is HORSESHIT.  As Barbra sang, “People who need people/are the luckiest people…” #LetGoAndLetBarbra

Have you ever watched documentaries on what prolonged, enforced isolation does to people? It ain’t pretty.

Before you roll your eyes at me, and say you don’t know anyone in your particular field/industry/area of kvetching, I mean, whatever it is you’re searching for…have you asked around? Have you written a concise, informative Facebook status and invited smart, interesting people to collaborate? Have you shared that same status on your LinkedIn profile? Make sure you’re clear about what you’re looking for, and why and make it easy for people to reach you. This is a good time to clean up your collective social media presence and make sure it reinforces you as the professional you say you are.  Ask a friend to check on it for you!

Listen, in this life, all you can really do is try. Maybe you’re right, and maybe no one will step up to the plate. (If that happens, shoot me an email at carlotazee@gmail.com, and we’ll get you a comp session to vent brainstorm.) But…you never know. People can surprise you, in the best possible way. Join LinkedIn groups for your alumni associations, or start a private Facebook group for your industry/interest and start networking. Changing your life is hard work, no matter how amazing the end results. It takes a lot of determination, frustration, heartache and joy to create the life you dream about. A little bit of friendship can go a long way in your life…

 

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