TUESDAY TIPS: May 20, 2014: Break all the rules you need!
As a native New Yorker, I did not learn to drive until my early 30s. That statement only sounds insane to people who did not grow up in NYC. I have many friends, other natives, who are in their 40s and proudly will tell you they cannot drive. Then, being New Yorkers, they’ll condescend to people who do drive as being personally responsible for destroying the planet. (This is why many people hate NYC.) I had one musician boyfriend (#redundant) who said that while he couldn’t drive, he was an excellent passenger. He was a very handsome boy, so I didn’t feel like rolling my eyes.
Anyway, I didn’t learn to drive until I was studying law in Indiana. Before you ask, no, I cannot technically parallel park, and in fact, when I last owned a car, I’d make my then-boyfriend park. And somehow he broke up with me. What the hell happened to romance!
Anyways, as I was learning to drive, my boyfriend who had grown up in the wilds of Wisconsin, and therefore had a license when he was like 9, once observed me “driving,” and said, “You’re very worried about following the rules. Relax!” He was an irritating, if good man, and I don’t miss him, but I’ll never forget his comment, since it was very true. At that point in my life, I was deeply concerned about following the rules, hence I was in law school, hence I had wasted a lot of time getting bent out of shape about stupid stuff. For me, what’s been so liberating about starting a small business, has been the realization that you can make up your own rules. It’s been the life-changing understanding that not all rules are worth following and due to free will, I can pick and choose. I can, through extreme discipline and diligence, create a life that sustains me, even as “the rules,” say otherwise.
I think this is extremely important for woman to realize, since so much pressure is put on women to behave, i.e. to be nice. I’ve had female friends who essentially had nervous breakdowns because they had been raised by (damaged) mothers to be nice, but not to be able to cope with life. And reality isn’t concerned with being nice. That’s not how reality operates. Women, especially, are weighted down with so much suffocating pressure and fear to be “sweet,” and “nice,” and “friendly” and smile. Listen: I’m a big fan of being civil, and treating others with the respect you want, but I’m not a fan of people who are so obsessed with being liked, that they end up disliking themselves. Be yourself. And if you’re not exactly sure who that person is, stop following the rules and start following your instincts in order to meet that person.
Trust yourself. Otherwise, reality is going to be somewhat of a challenge for you, and you’re unlikely to get the stuff you want done, because you’re going to waste so much time following the rules.
Rules were made, after all, by other people, people just like you, some good, some bad, mostly a mixture of good and bad, so if the rules aren’t sustaining your soul, hmm, guess you better get to work!
