What Rory taught Caroline
So mortifying to admit, but when I’m at a diner, I enjoy reading NYC tabloids like the Daily News or the NY Post. I want to make it clear that I read these “newspapers” for entertainment purposes only, nothing serious. And then yesterday, after snickering over articles about teachers getting fired for asking their fourth-graders for dating advice, or what the miscellaneous Kardashians were up to, I saw an article about golf champion Rory McIlroy breaking off his engagement to Caroline Wozniacki: Rory McIlroy engagement off
Now, listen: dating is damn hard, and I frankly think they’re both too young to get married. She’s all of 24 for god’s sake–and a cute girl. When I first saw that he had broken off the engagement, I thought, “Okay, that’s rough, but, enjoy yourself, Kid, live a little! Where’s the fire?” (But I also have had relationships end, so I’m in no way negating her pain. I know her heart is broken, and it’s horrible.)
The thing about the article that really stayed with me was this piece at the very end: “…Wozniacki, who fell from No. 1 in the world to No. 14 during her courtship with McIlroy.” Whoa. That bit said it all to me. She made everything about him…and did he ever feel the same way about her?
Maybe it hit me so hard because I have a great many female clients, who are extremely smart and well-educated, boasting MBAs, PH.Ds, law degrees, MPHs, you name it…but a lot of these same women are stuck in careers that are going nowhere quickly–to their dismay– as their boyfriends/husbands are headed straight to the top of the professional food chain. And sure, not everyone is ambitious. I get that. Everyone’s different. I just think it’s curious that still, in 2014 for f**k’s sake, many women continue to feel that they have to choose. It does seem that many women believe (are taught to believe) that they can have a great relationship or a great career but not both. Oy.
I suppose, I could blame the men, and say what a shame it is for so many men to be turned off by ambitious women…but I don’t think that’s true. Yes, some men are intimidated by ambitious women…but you might be surprised by how many men I meet who adore it. I also don’t like to collectively blame a gender, or really blame anyone else, because I can’t control other people, I can only control myself. So if I blame, say, ALL MEN, for being fearful of ambitious women, I’m essentially guaranteeing that my dating life is over and I’m not okay with that.
I do think that women are presumed/pressured to be nurturing of others, and to put their boyfriends/husbands first. Women who feel comfortable, for example, bragging about their husbands/boyfriends but can’t even put up a photo on their LinkedIn profile for god’s sake. A lot of women are still raised to get their value from being someone’s girl. (How many of us have friends on Facebook with profile photos of themselves and their men? *eye-roll* And how many men have Facebook photos of themselves with hot girls as if that gives them more of a man?) Add to that, the general societal fear of dying alone and you can see why a lot of people, men and women, will sacrifice everything to make sure they have someone to go to brunch with. I’ve done it. I won’t pretend I haven’t. I spent 5 years with someone and by the end, we’d eat meals in total silence. I won’t ever do it again, but I understand the fear that society indoctrinates in us that without a partner, our lives are worthless.
I’m bringing up a lot of points here, but the ending of that article brought up a lot of mixed emotions in me. Of course, I’m sorry that Ms. Wozniacki got her heart broken, and so publicly, poor thing. She didn’t deserve that. But she’s very young, she’s beautiful, she’s talented and I hope that this pain will serve to get her to focus on her talent, because that will help her eventually find a man who wants her to be his equal, not his foil. A good lesson for all of us.
I just hope that more and more people, men and women, read stories like these not as proof that they have to get married immediately, but as a reminder that it behooves them to focus, first and foremost, on creating solid relationships with THEMSELVES so that they’ll be able to recognize the right, nurturing partner when he/she comes along.