“When is it going to be MY f**king turn?!”

“When is it going to be MY f**king turn?!”

March 11, 2015 Uncategorized 0

A dear friend of mine was sharing her hard-worn accomplishments with one of her friends, a colleague in their shared industry, and instead of receiving congratulations or acknowledgement of her hard work, my friend was snarled at. “When is it going to be my f**king turn?,” her “friend” fumed. Putting aside the thought that this is probably as good a time as any to end this unpleasant “friendship,” as a coach, I personally was more interested by this woman’s commitment to her self-induced narrative as “unlucky.” Actually, I’d argue that it’s simply that this woman likes her excuses more than any form of hard, sustained work.

What a tangled web we weave/when we practice to deceive

Of course we only deceive ourselves. Listen, if you’re not willing to put in the work to achieve your goals, however big or small they are, if you’d rather tell yourself all the reasons why your dreams cannot come to life…well that’s a shame, that’s unfortunate, but that’s also YOUR CHOICE. Make your choices, but be honest with yourself and realize that as hard as you work at giving up, other people will work to achieve their goals and dreams. When they do so, it probably won’t make you feel fantastic. It probably, in fact, will remind you of all you’ve given up. I don’t blame this girl for being jealous and furious, but I do blame her for taking out her resentment and rage on my friend.

My friend, after all, never advised her to give up. My friend wasn’t the one selling this girl’s dreams short. My friend was, and is, too damn busy working hard on her own damn dreams.

I personally think that envy can be a very useful emotion, if, and only if, it makes YOU work harder. If it makes YOU honestly assess your own strengths and weaknesses; if it causes you to assess your own mistakes to learn from them, and shrug off your grinding heartbreak and get back to work. In the very early years of this business, when I had less than zero idea what the hell I was doing, seeing certain morons um people create successful coaching businesses, made me think,”….oh hell no. I’m going to give up and SHE’s a coach? Oh. Hell. No.” And it would force me to do more research, to figure out what I was doing wrong and from that morass of emotions, (very) slowly, but (very) surely I created this business. I’d love to pretend that I’m free of all envy now…and sure, sometimes that’s true…like when I’ve had a few dirty vodka martini cocktails, I especially tend to find myself at peace with the world. (Oh, don’t give me that look.)

“Whenever a friend succeeds, a little something in me dies.”- Gore Vidal

Achieving your goals, however big or small, is never easy. I sympathize with that woman’s frustration, jealousy and fear…the fear of being left on the shelf, of seeing your friends succeed while you worry your own time is passing you by. But I cannot sympathize with her decision to blame other people for their success and her own failings. I can’t sympathize with her determination to avoid responsibility but still somehow, magically hope to achieve her own ambitions. That seems to be a lifestyle choice doomed to end in tears.

She asks when will it be her time. Good question. It’ll be her time when she damn well decides to make it her time and take responsibility and get to work. No one, after all, can give you your time. #GetToWork

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.