Ask the right questions.
Ugh, just typing that terribly trite headline makes me feel like I’ve become a forlorn little life coach, or something else equally depressing, but no. I promise I do have a legitimate point.
Clients frequently ask me for time management tips, but these are usually the very same clients who are so committed to the denial of their bigger issue–i.e. the overwhelming pain that is the real, unending problem–that I want to say, “Um, I could tell you to get a stop watch, or help find someone to someone to color-code your closets or whatever, but the problem isn’t really that you can’t manage your time. We both know this. The true problem is that your childhood was a house of horrors, and you were raised to be your own trigger and so of course you can’t complete on time anything you start. Of course you can’t allow yourself to succeed. You were raised to self-destruct, not to shine!” And then there’s usually a pause in the conversation as the client attempts to mask their visible shock and surprise and stutter something like,”Um…how exactly did you know that.”
I know because I see this behavior, unfortunately, all the time. Also, I was into empathy before it was trendy. When I was in kindergarten, the teachers mentioned my abilities to my parents. I have empathy and so I know what to look for, which brings me back to my point about asking yourself the right questions. If you can’t complete any work-related project at time, or if you can’t even stick with any single job, if you’re seemingly constantly sabotaging yourself and your abilities, before you download the latest time-management app featured in Glamour or Mashable; before you hire another coach or buy another gratitude diary; basically before you do one more superficial action, stop and think. Have some empathy for yourself. Ask yourself the right questions: what’s really going on inside of you?
There’s a reason you cannot manage your time, right? Are you unable to complete work-related tasks because the work itself is so tedious…or because you were always made to feel incompetent and stupid and unworthy? Is it that as soon as you start creating something, anything, positive in your professional life, the “dark side” of your brain has to step up and go to town on your confidence and opportunities?
If you’re simply bored with the work, but you understand and value your abilities, then you should (w0)man up and find a career that is more suitable to your intellect. On the other hand, if you are your own worst enemy, then it’s not time that needs to be managed. Time is not the problem, when we’re discussing all the raw feelings and memories that are boiling and festering inside of you. In this situation, to get out of your own way, you have to manage yourself. In order to manage yourself, you have to understand yourself. And, I’ve heard honesty is a great app for that.