“Don’t ever go anywhere without a cake box.”
Last night, Hoong Yee Lee Krakauer, Executive Director of the Queens Council on the Arts, and I did our respective party pieces of a grant-writing and social media marketing course for artists. This is a brand new, three-week workshop, and last night was our debut. I spoke about social media, but today, Dear Reader, I wanted to write about a great morsel of advice that Hoong Yee shared, wisdom gleaned (naturally) from her Jewish mother-in-law, Mildred: “Don’t ever go anywhere without a cake box.” Translation: If you want to get, you have to give. If you want people to help you, you have to give them a reason to help you. Do your actions inspire confidence in others? Are you presenting, on- and off-line, in a manner that demonstrates your authentic expertise and talent, thus making prospective employers drool over the thought of hiring you…? Or are hiring managers turning off the lights, hiding under their desks and playing dead when you make your grand entrance?
Even if you’re not an artist, and you don’t want a grant, if you’re “just” trying to improve your life in some way, this is an excellent time to think about how you’re helping, or not, others to help you. Call me crazy, but I have a big thing for personal responsibility. If I want something, I’m responsible for networking and devising a strategy that gets me ever closer to my goals. I’m responsible for how I present to the Universe.
About two years ago, for example, I wanted to write for a certain up-and-coming website. I had met the editor of that site at a party, and we (kinda) clicked. I wouldn’t say she was my new BFF, we weren’t going to get matching tramp stamps and ride out into the sunset, but we did enjoy a pleasant, interesting conversation at the cocktail party.
Shortly thereafter, I followed up with that same woman over email. Eventually, I even sent her some pitches for a couple of articles I wanted to write, articles I believed would be useful and compelling to her audience…and whomp whomp. A whole lot of nada happened. Oh well, can’t win them all.
Right around this time, I happened to hear that this very same woman was looking for a space to hold an upcoming professional event. On a whim, I emailed her, again, mentioning a location, that I was sure would be perfect for her needs. Bingo! Within 45 seconds, she responded to my email, thanking me for my idea, and asking me when I’d be able to submit a piece to her site. (Mwah hah hah!)
In a sense, I’m just reminding you of the lessons we all (supposedly) learned in nursery school, lessons about social skills and playing nicely with others. Don’t get it twisted: a great deal of improving our professional situation is making other people actually want to be around us, instead of, you know, simply adding to their own quiet desperation workload. Networking isn’t about begging, but it does operate on the age-old principle of giving the other person a reason to help you. Think of that reason as the cake you’re bringing to the party.
If you want a better job, consider your experience from the POV of the hiring company: how are you improving their skills and services? If you’re an entrepreneur, why should any potential client hire you? Many of us, in these types of situations, tend to react from a gut level, reliving on an almost primordial level, rejections and humiliations of the past. And that ain’t fun. I don’t think you’re lacking moral fiber if you feel a deep need to vomit and/or cry when asked, “And why should we hire you?”
Rejection kinda is the worst thing ever, but if you’re not going to help others to help you…who’s really rejecting you? If you knew that your contributions would be respected and valued,what achievements would you allow yourself to crush?
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”- Eleanor Roosevelt
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