“My vision board was wrong.”
Last week, a real sweetheart of a (young) girl said this to me. She was telling me about the mortifying and heartbreaking experience of being cruelly deceived and manipulated by a woman whom she hugely idolized, a woman who was, in fact, prominently displayed on her vision board. (A woman whom I still want to slap. Hard.) After hearing the story, I asked my friend, “Was your vision board wrong…or was your vision not big enough?”
Some of you are thinking, “Jesus Christ, Carlota, hasn’t the poor girl been through enough, without your endless bullshit questions?” Listen: you have to understand your mistakes in order to keep moving onwards and upwards. Some people would be ashamed, and would assume they f**ked up, and would never think about it, and those people in 10 years will be making the same mistakes. I want this girl to go far.
Was her vision board “wrong,”…or was she simply incorrect for thinking that this woman–one of her idols–was going to solve her problems, and make her life easy? By assuming that other people will do the heavy lifting for you, you’re only denying your own power. In a sense, my friend’s vision board did exactly what it was supposed to do: it brought her into contact with someone she desperately wanted to meet. Unfortunately, she had no way of knowing that one of her idols was a vulgar, shallow, manipulative witch. (“Wow, Carlota, what do you really think?” “I think people who knowingly take advantage of other people deserve all the bad karma coming their way. Especially when the people they take advantage of, are much younger.”)
Maybe my friend’s vision board was actually showing her, that she didn’t need someone else’s help, or vision. Maybe it was demonstrating that she has the ability to create the opportunities she needs herself. Gawd, that Glenda the Good Witch sh*t is boring, I know. Who the hell wants to do all that work? Well, if you have the time/energy/passion/determination to create a vision board, why not go all the way and start doing the hard work necessary to bring those visions to life? Or, to quote Inception: “Never be afraid, darling, to dream a little bigger.” (Yes, I know many people loathe that movie, and I think South Park‘s satire was hilarious, but I still love it. #lovingmemeanslovingallofme)
As my favorite teacher in high school always said, “Perhaps you’re aware that life is hard?” Indeed. But if you give away all your power to other people, if you decide that you can’t create the opportunities you desperately want, you’ll find life to be much harder. And then you’ll end up at the not-so-tender mercies of other people. There are many good people who will recognize themselves in you, and have empathy for your struggles and want to help. And there will be people who are still licking their wounds, and savoring their own tears, people who spend so much time bitching, it should be their job, and these (damaged) people will “help” you by breaking your heart. And that’s their shame. But if you go through life looking for reasons to give up on your dreams (i.e. yourself), oh, don’t worry, you’re going to find plenty of reasons.
I gave my friend a big ole pep talk and a comprehensive strategy to get back to work, and, perhaps most importantly, I made her laugh. And, I think, I hope, I pray that I made her realize that no one else can stop her from achieving all of her dreams. Only she can derail herself. Only she can give up on herself.
If you have a vision board, that’s awesome. Use it to envision the life you want, and the opportunities you need to bring that life to fruition. And then, get to work. Every day: get to work. Your vision board is only as good as what you do with it.
